Reading more of YOUR posts. I caught up today on some of the lovely blogs I’ve been “following”…. as well as some freshly pressed (including this recipe for apple challah bread!)
Monthly Archives: September 2011
Life has gotten eventful, leaving me more and more opportunities to live and less and less opportunity to write about it– which is ok with me. I’m thinking that this blog will, at least for the time being, be a less frequently updated one. I truly need to focus on applying to grad school and living my life. Perhaps I will begin a weekly update, just to keep up. I will, however, have to forego my delusions of grandeur that came with the higher and higher traffic on here.
The job search continues. I still have the idea that I can be semi-picky about what I want to do. I have enough money that should last through the end of October without a terrible amount of sacrifice and just some general care to be taken. I’m excited and glad about this. It gives me about 2-3 weeks to find a job. That’s not a lot of time, but I’m not being that picky and I just need any income, not something that fabulous, so it’s not like I need something competitive or high-income. The stores are also setting up for the Christmas season, so I’m hoping I can at least score some “holiday help” type of position.
The last of my tomatoes are growing. The corn is dead and brown and ready to be cut down.
I’ve been organizing and sorting and purging. I’m considering a garage sale now– I could use any extra cash.
I have new shelves up in my room, and a whole wall that is now blank for me to play with. I’m looking forward to adding more color and fabric and “light” to the space– not actual lighting, but something to counteract the thick black lines that are my furniture.
I eat carrots now almost every day. I splurged at the store today (probably only really about $10-15) on the ingredients to make carrot cake. Last winter was the “festival of maize,” and summer the “summer of cheese.” Well, this will be my carrot celebration– homemade carrot cake with creamcheese frosting. My eczema has also healed up (thanks to my allergist’s suggestion of a medicine) and I can now knead my dough, so I also bought the ingredients to make the italian bread I’d wanted so much to make. Next week I’ll be trying chicken. I already have my eye on a bunch of soup recipes that use chicken broth. I’m truly excited.
Til next time,
Your catepillar in bloom
This week was a difficult one. I suppose I’ve been down about a few things– normal life stresses, really. Family. Money. A lack of using my talents and hobbies– and the feeling of unfulfillment that comes with that. But combine a few of life’s normal stresses and suddenly you may find yourself in a terrible funk.
Today I was reminded (as I’ve been slowly reminded all week) that the biggest and best cure for such a funk is involvement! A bad day can be wallowed in and cured by a bit of gardening, or a good nap, or a bowl of homemade mac-and-cheese. Maybe pjs and a good book. A really bad mood? That requires company. Sometimes it’s a good friend, or family member, or a friendly stranger. Sometimes it’s just about getting out there.
Sometimes it’s about:
-holding the door for the person behind you just to hear the “thank you” (keep doing it– you’ll get one, I promise!).
-smiling at the person walking towards them, even if you don’t know them; usually people smile back!
-finding a way to help someone else. Clean your closet and donate any old clothes that you don’t use or don’t fit. Go volunteer at a soup kitchen. Visit an elderly grandparent or family member. Bake or cook something to bring the next time you go over someone’s house.
I’m not great at this. At least not when left to my own devices. It’s easy to be involved when you’re in school and it’s a matter of walking to another building or taking a shuttle or driving two minutes to the next event or meeting or friend’s room. It’ll take effort now. But it’s time for me to be me again! And people and involvement are an easy key to inspiration. And inspiration is where creativity starts, after all.
I want to start singing again. I miss it too much.
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
So I suppose I’ll continue for a bit with some of my “favorite authors”– of quotes, that is:
“When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I’ve never tried before.”
“Eros will have naked bodies; Friendship naked personalities.”
–C. S. Lewis
Please excuse the stream-of-consciousness style here… I’m not sure I can organize this better without losing the feeling altogether. The past week has had me on some amazing encounters (both in person, and via phone/email/blogs). I’ve been feeling both inspired and depressed. I’m starting some new ventures with my research, while trying to still tie up some organizational loose ends and start a job search to cure my rapidly-dwindling bank account. I’m also feeling very full– content and peaceful. I’m thinking more about some of the “bigger” things. Some of the far-off things. I’m facing big plans and bad dreams and I’m connecting in ever-deeper ways in my faith, in ways I haven’t done so in quite a while. I’m enjoying a sense of romance and adventure, even if sometimes it’s coming via my living vicariously through a friend or two. I feel like good things are going to happen. I’m feeling sad about my music. I had a dream last night that was partly about that. It’s been quite a while since I’ve really sang, and even longer since I’ve felt fulfilled in my music. Dance and visual art have temporarily taken its place. The music never goes away, but sometimes it’s hard to be around I suppose. Like being friends with an ex-boy(or girl)friend. It’s beautiful; and a little painful. I’ve been thinking about poetry again, although I’ve yet to have the time to sit down and write. There’s something deep happening in me lately, and I’m not sure I’ll be able to express it any other way. I’m at a place of contradictions; feeling both in control and powerless. Both hopeful and lost. Both seeking and unwilling to ask. I don’t often write about my feelings here, but it is these feelings that I create from. And also these feelings that hold me back from creating… I know this story will end happily. But there’s something very real about this right now that I’m not sure I’ve felt before.