URECA

I had the amazing opportunity on Wednesday to present my work at the URECA Celebration.  (URECA = Undergraduate Research and Creative Acts).  I spent the entire day talking about the research/creative project that I have been involved in for almost a full year now.  It was an amazing opportunity to network, talk, learn, and teach.

The day started with my presenting my research in one of my classes, followed by my heading to the event where I was there to give poster presentations for hours upon end, and even collect some last-minute data in a brief interactive experiment.

Posters included a psychological experiment on unrequited love, an eco-friendly housing design (included showering with rain water and not having a fridge… I’m eco-friendly, but I’m not ready to go there yet), lyrical poetry and more analytical prose in response to The Iliad, a discussion-experiment on the boundary between the ideas “this” and “that” (in several languages), a “gap minder” (train commuters may appreciate this one), a solar-powered boat, a contraption that scares away geese with a green laser, and a wheel chair that can climb up a curb.  And the enthusiasm and passion everyone had for their projects was simply amazing.

While I had been nervous about presenting– and I had been– I was actually sad when the day ended and I had to pack up my poster and leave.  What a thrilling day– and a great way to remind myself of what I want and where I want to go.  The flow of ideas washing over me is such a refreshing feeling.  I refuse to grow stale.

Crawling, with wings.

Going to a small, private high school, I tended to be known as smart and somewhat quiet.  It often upset me that this tended to lead to preconceived notions about who I was as a person and how I would act/react to things.

We all care about what others’ think of us, to some extent, but what about the preconceived notions we carry about ourselves?

Lately, I’ve come to challenge some of these thoughts.

It started with my wisdom tooth extraction.  Needing only advil (and only on a daily basis), and having minimal pain and no swelling challenged my belief that I don’t heal well.  My immune system took this procedure in stride and with great results.  After a lifetime of allergies and arthritis (both of which affect the immune system) and somewhat frequent illnesses (including potential mono this past year and swine flu the year before), I just had come to accept that I have a weak immune system and don’t recover from things easily.  Thus, I should be careful with myself.

Now, while I’ll still take my vitamins and try to be healthy and active, I can’t tell myself I don’t heal well anymore.  I am challenging this fundamental belief about me.

There’s been others too.  Beliefs about friendships and relationships.  Beliefs about my future.  My intelligence and creativity.  Beliefs about who I am.  Central beliefs that form Me.

Maybe this caterpillar is starting to see the Color to come.  Maybe we need to test ourselves every once in a while, or the transition won’t matter.  Not noticing we’ve sprouted wings, we just keep crawling.  Maybe every once in a while, we need to see ourselves through Someone else’s eyes.

Shout out to fellow blogger:  http://thiswonderfulordeal.blogspot.com/2011/04/less-than-one.html?spref=fb.  This very cool guy co-pastored my church for a while.  Deep thoughts.  Check him out.

Auditions and Job-Searching

I’m graduating in May.  With a BA in Linguistics and a music minor.  Since Grad School did not work out as planned, my professor dreams are put on hold while I pound the pavement as a performing artist!

I’ve forgotten how hard looking for a job is, having been gainfully employed for the past year-and-three-months.  (My job is a campus job, thus leaving me unemployed upon graduation… insert sad face here).

I’m also shocked at how different looking for artsy jobs is!  Auditioning vs. Interviews.  And I’m just giving my best shot as to how to write a cover letter/email when responding to a performing gig.

So far, I have submitted 2 emailed resumes/headshots and am going on my second audition this week.  I’m also looking into the possibility of a) keeping my job somehow and b) getting some experience as a research assistant.  But no matter what the next few months hold, I’ll be working on staying active and staying creative.  My biggest goal: avoid soul-killing jobs! (You know the kind– repetitive and airless.  Although, let’s face it, sometimes, ya just gotta pay the bills!).

Me. Blogging. My Blog.

So it’s occurred to me that my profile and posts so far have said very little about what I intend to do here.

I want to talk about creativity, but by creativity– I mean much of life.  Life is a creative act.  In the thoughts of RENT, “the opposite of war isn’t peace, it’s creation.”  Most of life is war on our souls.  (Take e e cummings famous quote “To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.”).

So I intend to talk about life.  My life.  And things I do.  My life is the life of an almost-25-year old female.  I am American.  Christian.  Politically moderate with an intense sense of justice.  I am passionate.  A singer, aspiring songwriter, and amateur actress.  I’m a friend, a daughter, and a granddaughter.  I’m a lover and a fighter.

You’ll hear me talk about my friends and people I meet.  I know some really cool people.  Musicians, actors, artists, cooks, creative minds.  They’re not famous.  Yet.  But maybe you’ll hear about them hear first before they become more well-known.  You’ll see me link to their blogs… or just introduce them.  Or maybe introduce a really cool or inspiring product line I’ve come across.

I’ll talk about causes, but may avoid politics a bit.  Not because I don’t have an opinion, but because I think most issues cannot be solved by changing laws (only changing hearts can do that).  I’ll talk about food allergies because it’s something I live with every day.  And it sparks a lot of creative living.

So that’s me.  And this is my blog.  Feel free to comment on either– or just leave a note to say you’ve been here.  In rejoining the wonderful world of blogs, I’m looking for community, so please don’t leave me hanging.

(Shout out to Molecular Sheep http://molecularsheep.wordpress.com/ ! If you liked my post on I-CON 30, check out his most recent post (as part of the Anime Films committee)!

I-CON 30

So while it seems a ways away now (what with oral surgery and spring break intervening!), I had a BLAST at I-CON last weekend.

While I can’t talk about everything in just a short post, I encourage you to GO if you have the opportunity.  Really.  Make a point of it next year.  You won’t be sorry.

Friday night I got to see my first-ever performance of The Rocky Horror Picture Show!  It was performed by shadowcast, The Unconventional Conventionalists (http://www.facebook.com/TheUnconventionalConventionalists).  So Much Fun!! I’ll admit I was a Rocky virgin prior to this night.  I now can’t wait to Time Warp again.

Friday AND Saturday I spent sessions with FALO (the Fantasy and Legends Organization~ http://www.fantasyandlegends.com/).  I originally went on Friday to see a discussion on “Femme Fatales”/women in folklore.  When I got there, I was surprised to see three men running the discussion, although they quickly explained there was a schedule change, and I had just entered a discussion on Good and Evil.  I was excited just the same and enjoyed an hour of philosophy and debate on not only the nature of good and evil, but the existence of it in the world.  Even after staying up late for Rocky, I made sure to wake up early enough to catch the (rescheduled) Femme Fatales talk Saturday morning.  I was NOT disappointed.  And, assuming I attend I-CON again, I’m looking forward to trying FALO’S “How to Make a Bodice” instructions (http://www.fantasyandlegends.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=236:how-to-make-a-bodice&catid=71:general-crafts&Itemid=441).  These women (and men) had the most fabulous costumes.  Being in the room with them was food for my soul– in both aesthetics and intellect.

I also got to sit in on a voice-actor’s panel and a Sci-fi author’s panel.  And easily in my top 3 (next to FALO and Rocky), was the Dealer’s Room.  While I couldn’t rationalize getting a gorgeous handmade corset or something Steampunk, I did pick myself up a mysterious key necklace from Kuriouser & Kuriouser (studiohibernacula.com– I’m only sorry she doesn’t have these listed on her etsy site right now, but check out her “sold” section for an idea of her work!).  I debated between three necklaces and already wish I’d bought a second one (I’ll post a pic soon).

I also picked up a complete collection of Edgar Allen Poe’s works for $20, which was nicely bound and irresistable for the price.  My last purchase of the weekend, though, has been far more entertaining so far– a t-shirt from Red Tie Products’ “Grammar Matters” (http://www.redtieproducts.com/).  If you like language games or words, you should check them out.  They are nerdy in all the right ways.  (I’ll try to post a pic of this soon too).

moral of the story: Go to I-CON.  (And look for me.  I’ll be dressing up next year, for sure!)

Oral Surgery

I had two of my wisdom teeth removed the day before yesterday.  I spent most of the day yesterday recovering, and working on an upcoming poster presentation.  And coming out of the meds which left me a bit anxious and restless.

In truth, the extraction was not the worst part.  The numbing was.  Allergic to the anesthetic gel, I had to skip these before the injections.  The injection on the inside of the teeth, the side near my throat, became puffy with the fluid.  As someone with severe food allergies, this felt like what an allergic reaction might feel like.  Even reassurance from the nurse didn’t squelch the tears that were welling up as I grew more frightened.

Thankfully, I calmed down (with the help of said nurse and my mother) and the rest of the procedure went smoothly!  I had a very productive day yesterday, but am having a rough time today after having another restless night.

Some days, we just feel more like caterpillars than butterflies.  Some days, it’s about having that hope, even knowing we feel so far from it in the moment.

Leave a trail.

‎”Do not go where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

I have lived most of my life this way.  It’s nice to know that, in addition to some of my amazing friends and family, I have some strong supporters.

The Twenties

After a very busy couple of weeks, I found myself at I-CON this past weekend.  I had an amazing time and got the chance to sit in on some amazing discussions, which I’ll talk about in another post soon.  But I also got to do a lot of thinking.

I realized that over the past couple years, I’ve given a lot of thought to how I will live.  Each of us is raised under some kind of tradition, and when we grow up, we need to decide which traditions we will continue and which we’ll leave behind.  We also choose what we’ll start that’s new.

I thought about how I’ve pictured my life a couple of different ways.  And realized that, sometimes, these different possibilities I’ve envisioned have resulted from the people in my life at the times.  Particularly, the guys in my life at the time.

I’ve pictured my life as a teacher of some sort (probably a professor) with a beach house where my kids grow up always by the water.  I’ve pictured my life as a professor-researcher-artist who brings her kids to the city on weekends for family dance classes.  I realize I’ve used these pictures to explore different parts of myself– different versions of the future I can create– the options I have to choose from.

I thought about how, in your teens, you decide you you are.  You experiment, and maybe rebel.  You find your friends and explore what you like and don’t like.  You pursue hobbies.  You pick a college, and a major.

In your twenties, you decide how you will live.  Maybe this is somewhat obvious.  You find a job.  You decide where you’ll live (at least semi-permanently).  You start thinking more seriously about getting married and having kids– and who you might want to do that with.

In your twenties, you use the knowledge of who you are (that you discovered as a teen), to decide what’s next.

I’m almost half-way through this process, and have only just become conscious of it.  More decisions to come.